Trying this from my phone, hope it works....

Ok I wanted this to post the video but it's just a link.... Anyway it's funny, & I always need funny on Sunday, my second least favorite day of the week..

Watch "Shoes the Full Version" on YouTube

xoxo
The Hag

2 years of sobriety does a mind and body good.

"she's got herself a universe gone quickly, for the call of thunder threatens everyone."

2 years of sobriety.

For me to truly appreciate this latest milestone in my life, I've had to really ponder what got me to the point of no return.

I've divorced myself from that part of my past, and like any divorce you either come away beaten down or stronger. Either way you walk forward with the wisdom to know what YOU CANNOT live with anymore. When divorcing yourself from another part of yourself, it can get a little tricky.

My core being is the same. Its the person I was born as, and the one that not so subtly yelled in my brain to stop the madness that was my alcoholism. I never enjoyed drinking. I KNOW it appeared as if I did, but I always felt shame about it… otherwise I wouldn't have had the tremendous anxiety that followed every drink, wondering if it would be the one to make me cross over to the bad place.

Eventually, that bad, dark place was the only one I felt comfortable being in.

My core self was beaten. Unconscious and silent. I was a walking anxiety attack.

I do have to say that Shane (among others, but primarily him) refusing to watch me self destruct and having to let me go do it alone was the first of a series of wakeup calls I needed to get myself together.

I'd be a damn liar if I said Shane never factored into my decision to get sober. He was the last person I spoke to (for quite a while) the night before I went into rehab. Although I fully expected him to say.."Well, its about fucking time Ryan…" on the contrary, he was supportive, encouraging and shared my sadness for what I had become. He loved me as I loved him. Its never easy watching something you love disappear. I know that pain now.

Over the course of these last 2 years, I've grown into a stronger, confident, self assured, BETTER version of myself. My core self. When the divorce was final, I walked away from that other guy knowing I was free.

Alcohol wasn't my problem. It sat there minding its own business until I picked it up and drank it.

I was my problem, and I can say now that I am my solution.

Everyone that is in my life now benefits from my sobriety. I'm a responsible, dependable, and caring person. All the same things I pushed away for so long.

So much has happened to me and those around me, and weeks seem to pass like minutes.

I'm grateful to have all my bearings to absorb every moment.

I love having a good memory.

Here's to the rest of my life beginning...

peace-

Ryan