Madonna - Frozen - DWT 2001 Live

Patience

"suc·cinct/səkˈsiNGkt/

Adjective: (esp. of something written or spoken) Briefly and clearly expressed."

Historically, I have no patience.

This is not to be confused with tolerance, but I can't say I'm really overflowing with that lately either.

The heat of this Texas summer has reduced both to less than zero.

I'm irritated by everything lately, and my usually succinct approach to communications is bordering on just plain rudeness.

Apologies to those that have had to endure this... really.

I've stood behind my chair, listening to my client's stories, which overall have been quite pleasant, and I feel like my cynical outlook lately has been a major turn-off... and I haven't been able to flip the switch back to my less cynical, silver-lining seeing self.

I'm getting on my own nerves lately!

Here's to hoping that the change of season brings a change of attitude. :-)

One thing that I've been guilty of, my whole life, has been projecting my problem with a situation or person or thing onto another situation...

or person...

or thing.

If something's bothering me, I will take it out in another way that is usually a complete 180 from what the actual culprit is.

This is sometimes unfair to the poor soul that steps in my line of fire,

or the treadmill,

but I'm fairly sure that I'm terrible at hiding anything.

The truth always comes out, and I usually owe Heather B. an apology for being too curt with her. (Sorry!)

What's been bugging me the most is that I have NOTHING to complain about or be worked up over.

I've spent this summer being successful at my job, but more importantly ENJOYING the beginning of a relationship.

Yep.

I have a boyfriend, and he unfortunately probably thinks I hate everyone and have a fatalistic outlook on life. This is of course NOT true, but my lack of patience and tolerance I'm sure shows him otherwise.

Nonetheless, I've enjoyed bonding with him, sharing struggles and successes, and building a foundation that I hope grows into a solid, long-term partnership. :-)

He's an awesome guy that really makes me want to be a kinder and gentler person to the general public, and his kindness and sincerity are seriously infectious. The way he and his friends regard each other is admirable, and seeing this behavior makes me want to call all of my friends and family to tell them how much I appreciate them...

Alas, I'm not patient enough to do that... ;-)

Bring on the new season. I'm ready to start a change of mindset, and show everyone that (maybe through gritted teeth) I do indeed have patience.

My problems are not problems. My life is good, and I think its time to let that side of me shine a little more.

Peace.

R

So much going through my mind... about my situation and that of others.... Lots to write about. Soon.

sometimes

... I think we should stop minding our own business and post. ;)

Minding my own business

"Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone..."

Its hard not to feel lonely most of the time for me. For some reason I assume I'd be bothering anyone by seeing whats going on at 10:30pm when I'm bored at home and just want to get out. Not texting, not talking on the phone, not drinking, etc.

I feel like an old man sometimes, just sitting here staring at my dog, watching something stupid on Netflix... like Nova specials.

I also feel like I should relax, but that usually doesn't happen easily for me. My brain goes a million miles an hour, and since I tend to over-think in general, that can sometimes cause me to let my mind go to the bad place. I start doubting myself and worrying what (the small handful that I care) people think of me. Wondering if I'm good enough, smart, funny... blah blah blah.

In these moments I have to remember that its really not my business what others think and that if I've done something to turn a person off, I've done so by simply being myself. What's wrong with that? Nothing.

The control freak side of me wants to know ALL the information so I can either understand the situation or acquit myself of any wrongdoing. That side of me fights the what-the-fuck-ever-I-don't-really-give-a-shit side... You can see my dilemma. One has to win, and its usually a 3 day fight to the finish process.

This is one reason I've been a work-a-holic for the last 2 years... keeping my brain occupied, that way I don't know (or pay attention to) what I'm missing.

Since I've recently started to open my heart up, I'm having to check these feelings of inadequacy quite frequently. This is a good thing. I was fine when I sequestered myself, I am fine out in the world too. I just need to gently smack myself in the face periodically and realize I'm doing the best job of being me as possible. Fitting in isn't something I've done easily. I was never the "Golden Boy" and probably won't ever fit that bill. Its cool. I've done everything in my own time and on my own terms with little support from anyone but my close friends and (several clients too).

I like myself now, most of the pain and embarrassment of the past couple of years has subsided, I look forward to spending time with my family and friends when I can, and I like spending time with the man I've been seeing.

That's all good, and I look forward to a fun, work-filled, probation-free, summer. I think I'll take a much need vacation.

Peace-

Ryan

Stop and Think.

I'm on a vacation of sorts. I had my wisdom teeth removed and I've had to take a few (very needed) days off of work.

As usual when I have a lot of free time on my hands I think of what's going on in my life... things in the past and current, that I'm either happy with or need to tweak or change.

I'm pretty content with life right now.

I'm opening myself up to opportunities career wise that seem to be more in line with why I got into this business in the first place: to be an image maker. I'm excited that I'm doing more photo shoots and will be doing fashion shows again. Its a great escape from the daily grind of the salon.

I'm also opening up to romance again. That's all I'll say about that. ;-)

The tweaks are minimal heading full on into a new season. I'm on my game and feel truly confident of where this path I've chosen is leading me.

Its all good.

peace-

Ryan

Trying this from my phone, hope it works....

Ok I wanted this to post the video but it's just a link.... Anyway it's funny, & I always need funny on Sunday, my second least favorite day of the week..

Watch "Shoes the Full Version" on YouTube

xoxo
The Hag