Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Patience
Posted by Ryanmad at 10:34 PM 1 comments
Monday, July 11, 2011
So much going through my mind... about my situation and that of others.... Lots to write about. Soon.
Posted by Ryanmad at 1:50 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
sometimes
... I think we should stop minding our own business and post. ;)
Posted by Heather B at 10:37 AM 0 comments
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Minding my own business
"Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone..."
Posted by Ryanmad at 12:33 AM 0 comments
Friday, April 1, 2011
Stop and Think.
I'm on a vacation of sorts. I had my wisdom teeth removed and I've had to take a few (very needed) days off of work.
Posted by Ryanmad at 4:52 PM 1 comments
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Trying this from my phone, hope it works....
Ok I wanted this to post the video but it's just a link.... Anyway it's funny, & I always need funny on Sunday, my second least favorite day of the week..
Watch "Shoes the Full Version" on YouTube
xoxo
The Hag
Posted by Heather B at 9:04 AM 0 comments
Labels: youtube
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
2 years of sobriety does a mind and body good.
"she's got herself a universe gone quickly, for the call of thunder threatens everyone."
2 years of sobriety.
For me to truly appreciate this latest milestone in my life, I've had to really ponder what got me to the point of no return.
I've divorced myself from that part of my past, and like any divorce you either come away beaten down or stronger. Either way you walk forward with the wisdom to know what YOU CANNOT live with anymore. When divorcing yourself from another part of yourself, it can get a little tricky.
My core being is the same. Its the person I was born as, and the one that not so subtly yelled in my brain to stop the madness that was my alcoholism. I never enjoyed drinking. I KNOW it appeared as if I did, but I always felt shame about it… otherwise I wouldn't have had the tremendous anxiety that followed every drink, wondering if it would be the one to make me cross over to the bad place.
Eventually, that bad, dark place was the only one I felt comfortable being in.
My core self was beaten. Unconscious and silent. I was a walking anxiety attack.
I do have to say that Shane (among others, but primarily him) refusing to watch me self destruct and having to let me go do it alone was the first of a series of wakeup calls I needed to get myself together.
I'd be a damn liar if I said Shane never factored into my decision to get sober. He was the last person I spoke to (for quite a while) the night before I went into rehab. Although I fully expected him to say.."Well, its about fucking time Ryan…" on the contrary, he was supportive, encouraging and shared my sadness for what I had become. He loved me as I loved him. Its never easy watching something you love disappear. I know that pain now.
Over the course of these last 2 years, I've grown into a stronger, confident, self assured, BETTER version of myself. My core self. When the divorce was final, I walked away from that other guy knowing I was free.
Alcohol wasn't my problem. It sat there minding its own business until I picked it up and drank it.
I was my problem, and I can say now that I am my solution.
Everyone that is in my life now benefits from my sobriety. I'm a responsible, dependable, and caring person. All the same things I pushed away for so long.
So much has happened to me and those around me, and weeks seem to pass like minutes.
I'm grateful to have all my bearings to absorb every moment.
I love having a good memory.
Here's to the rest of my life beginning...
peace-
Ryan
Posted by Ryanmad at 11:25 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Current obsession
Posted by Ryanmad at 12:24 AM 1 comments
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Madonna - Till Death Do Us Part
You're not in love with me anymore
I wish that it would change, but it won't, if you don't
Our luck is running out of time
You're not in love with me anymore
I wish that it would change, but it won't
'Cause you don't love me no more
You need so much but not from me
Turn your back in my hour of need
Something's wrong but you pretend you don't see
I think I interrupt your life
When you laugh it cuts me just like a knife
I'm not your friend, I'm just your little wife
[chorus]
They never laugh, not like before
She takes the keys, he breaks the door
She cannot stay here anymore
He's not in love with her anymore
The bruises they will fade away
You hit so hard with the things you say
I will not stay to watch your hate as it grows
You're not in love with someone else
You don't even love yourself
Still I wish you'd ask me not to go
[chorus]
He takes a drink, she goes inside
He starts to scream, the vases fly
He wishes that she wouldn't cry
He's not in move with her anymore
He makes demands, she draws the line
He starts the fight, she starts the lie
But what is truth when something dies
He's not in love with her anymore
You're not in love with someone else
You don't even love yourself
Still I wish you'd ask me not to go
[chorus]
She's had enough, she says the end
But she'll come back, she knows it then
A chance to start it all again
Till death do us part
Posted by Ryanmad at 9:39 PM 0 comments