Make it or BREAK it...

Breaking up is hard to do, right? Or is being broken up with is even harder?

I really prefer neither. If you break up with someone, then they can play the victim card and you get to be called: "asshole", "psycho", or my personal favorite "emotionally unavailable".

If you get broken up with, then you question what it is that you could have possibly done to warrant such heartache: Am I cute enough? etc. etc. etc.

I think most people prefer to take the victim role. This is just from YEARS of observation being a hairdresser... No one really likes to do the dirty work, but Goddamn do they LOVE to bask in the misery!!!

I recently had to "breakup" with someone I wasn't even in a relationship with. He was cool with it, at first. Then the Text Attacks and Emails started.... just trying to get the last word in... not even realizing that the last words were already from HIM.

I don't know about you, but I can generally tell from about the 2nd week, and DEFINITELY by the 3rd week if something's not gonna work out. Mostly its just instinct. I'm sure that you've felt it before. Something's just... off. This past year has really made me question what I'm willing to offer up in the name of Love. Comfort is way up there. I have REPEATEDLY gone outside of my comfort zone in order to make someone else feel: comfortable, worthy, adequate, INTELLIGENT... the list goes on.

I surely have my own personality flaws. I'm not perfect, at all. I never claim to be either. I'm 34 years old, recovering from a plethora of issues that used to seem like they were unfixable. But they are fixable.

I don't think at this point, I should stall my progress for the sake of stroking someone else's ego. I know it sounds and probably IS selfish, but if I ain't good to me then I can be absolutely no use to anyone else. That's the deal.

Sometimes its worth a short feeling of pain and discomfort to break something off with someone, because in the long run its gonna hurt more if you don't. Both parties.

When I am ready for the relationship bridge, I'll most definitely and with little trepidation

cross it. That's how I roll. It could be 10 years from now.... or tomorrow. I simply don't know when, but in the meantime I find it better to USE my own feelings as a guideline rather than QUESTION them.

I think most of us have conditioned ourselves to think how we can 'complete' or 'be completed'

by or for someone else. We tend to not consider what we can ADD to the equation. I don't really want to ever feel like my happiness depends on what someone else thinks about me again. And furthermore, someone else to put their happiness in my hands.... depending on me to 'complete' them. No.

I see such pettiness in most relationships. Keep the stakes low and you lose less. Never really thinking how much you could win back from a true emotional investment.

The next time I put my heart out on the table, I want to be comfortable knowing I'll either win (or lose) big.

peace,

R