Dating.

This seems like a real challenge lately. I'm the "relationship guy" by nature, so the concept of dating has always been kinda lost on me. Meet. Hook up. Move in. Get rings. Joint checking accounts. Etc... However, now I'm feeling totally down for a courtship, getting to know someone beyond the "where do we see this going" conversation which, for me, usually takes place by the 5th date or by the end of the 1st week.... whichever comes first. I'm feeling more relaxed about things in general lately, so I'm also wanting to reprogram my brain to be breezy in terms of dating and relationships... Not too bad so far, I guess.

I've never been single and sober at the same time, so what USED to attract me to someone is completely different, and in turn the people I seem to attract are different, too. This is a good thing. Before I used to think that just because someone showed interest in me I HAD to reciprocate. Convince myself that this was my last chance at love. Laugh. Out. Loud.

I now realize that I may not be perfect, far from it, but I'm still kind of a catch.

Being in my mid-30's and sober seems to be a pesky little obstacle in the gay dating scene here in Dallas, Texas. I really don't WANT to explain immediately after meeting someone that whole sordid tale, however If feel like I HAVE to, just to get it out there. In order to maintain me just being myself, I need to give whomever I'm talking to the choice of whether they can handle me not drinking. Some can with no problem, some are mystified by it. I have no problem with dating someone who does drink, as long they're not falling down drunk every Friday-Sunday, or worse, thinking doing drugs "recreationally" is cool. I have boundaries that aren't safe for me to cross, so there's definitely some deal breakers I'm immovable on. Drugs are #1. They take everything to a whole other level of fuckedupness.

Not gonna go there.

I'm content with the way things are going for me right now. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, that's fine with me too. I just find that the more I put myself out there, the more I realize that it hasn't been so much me NOT fitting into any category... its more ME not WANTING to. There seems to be a whole hedonistic aspect to the gay community that I've never really felt comfortable with. I don't really think that at almost 35 yrs old I ever will be, but I guess I'm more tolerant of it. I don't subscribe to it. But I'm not gonna judge someone who does. I'm just probably not going to date them.

I do have hope that I'll be in a relationship again. When the time is right. I'm too nurturing and domestic to not be partnered with someone. I like monogamy and the bond it creates between two people. I'll keep you posted...

peace-

R