18 months.

"In the blink of an eye everything could change, say hello to your life, now you're living... This is it, from now on its a brand new day, it was time to wake up from this dream..."

A year and a half ago I made a very important and life changing decision...

After a series of unfortunate and chaotic events, I FINALLY stopped drinking alcohol.

I had made so many wrong choices, lost the most important person I've ever had the PRIVILEGE to call mine, let down everyone that cared about me, pushed away anyone remotely close to my corner, destroyed my career, and pissed away anything I'd ever worked for and hoped to have in my life.

People say "you're living on borrowed time..." I now know what that means.

I've recounted some of my messiest moments here before, so I don't really feel its necessary to do it again.

Moving on.

I'm gonna talk about the last 18 months and what's happened to my heart, spirit, and outlook on life in general.

Nothing fails if you try to change yourself for the better. My personal intervention didn't come without help from very important people (you know who you are), but the decision to actually follow through and MAKE the change was all me.

I figured that my life was so damaged that I couldn't ever recover. My soul was broken after rehab... I've said it before, but its the only way to accurately describe it, my skin felt like it had been ripped off my body. For months afterward I felt like I was walking wounded... And I was. I still am. I just respect my past now. I let it inform my future so I won't make the same mistakes again.

My skin grew back, slowly. My confidence returned. After a tremendous amount of effort and hard work my career is on track and I feel unstoppable. Nothing's impossible now.... You'll see ;-)

Wonderful things have happened. My sister got married to an amazing man, and they now have a BEAUTIFUL and sure to be talented and special son. I'm very excited to see how his personality develops and who he becomes. Kids are amazing! My brother's children are on their way to being grown-ups, and its so cool to see how they relate to each other as only siblings can... Its also been very rewarding watching Heather's son Ian grow and adapt to a new life. Heather is doing a great job as a mom..

I've seen and hopefully helped my good friends along their paths, too. They refused to let me walk mine alone, and its my honor to return the favor. I LOVE my friends! Without you I'm nothing!

Good things usually require Bad things to strike a balance... I need to make mention, as I frequently do, to the most important person of all... The person that took my hand, guided me to this path and said "walk it"... My beautiful Shane. If there was ever a test of my sobriety, his death was it. Oddly enough, the test wasn't that I resisted drinking. It proved to me once and for all that it wasn't an option anymore. I thought of alcohol right after he died, but it wasn't about drinking it. It made me feel nauseous just thinking about it. I allowed a bottle of alcohol to be more important than him. I could never disrespect him by letting his death be the cause of mine too. He saved my life. He saves me everyday... Thank you, Hunkin... lots of love and light to you always... I miss you.

I have made tremendous progress in putting a broken life back together. I have a greater respect for not just my life, but everyone else's too. I'm here on this earth to help people... whether that's giving/taking advice or making someone feel better just by getting their hair done, it feels good knowing that I have found my purpose. I have much more to give and prove to myself. I still make mistakes, still have some lessons to learn, but they're so much easier to deal with sober.

Everyone that is reading this has helped me... and continues to... Thank you for helping me stay accountable!

peace-

Ryan