i tried to be a mess, i tried to be the best...

'the truth is rarely pure and never simple"

I'm living my truth everyday. Life is not simple. There are questions that I will most likely never know the answers to, and I'm closer everyday to being okay with waiting for them. I like to know the facts. I like knowing where I stand with people, and I like to know what is (if anything) expected of me.

My pure truth is that I am in a constant struggle to be the best. At everything. I have to be: the best at being sober, the best friend, the best boyfriend, the best uncle, the best brother, the best son, the best hairdresser, the best advice giver, THE BEST I CAN BE.

I hope I'm succeeding, because my simple truth is I will probably never think I'm good enough to be considered the best. I'm getting better at giving myself credit when its due, but being a competitive guy, I have always been my own harshest critic. Confidence is something I've slowly acquired these past 18 months. Across the board. Its a foreign feeling that I've always confused as conceit and arrogance. I know the difference now.

There are always going to be people that are bigger and better. I also know when I have crossed that line of being out of my league...

The difference these days is that I'm not trying to win any prize. I'm not playing a game. I'm too busy survivin'... whether its heaven or hell, I'm gonna be livin' to tell.

peace.